The Adventures of the Dirty Doctor
by JuliaBoon
Summary: You've probably heard of the dark Doctor, the mad Doctor or even the dapper Doctor; but what about the Dirty Doctor? A new regeneration, a new personality and this Doctor's dirty as hell. No blow too low, no joke too foul. Welcome to the adventures of the Dirty Doctor. (All suggestions welcome, nothing is too extreme) R&R!
1. Story

The Doctor wavered on his feet as the glowing veins trickled throughout his body until finally his flesh could take no more. She watched in horror as his hands and his head were enveloped in bright yellow light; it shot up into the air, striking the roof of the TARDIS, shaking the walls in its power. Then suddenly the light ceased and the Doctor had transformed. He stood before his companion, his face different; squarer and somehow cheekier. His hair was thick jet black, his eyes were an intense blue and when he spoke his voice was a sharp English accent with a slight slur. His clothes now no longer fit him, they had become tight across his now muscled chest.  
"Ooo." He said with a smile, "I feel a hell of a lot more sexy." He turned and faced her, with a weird smile upon his lips, "Well who are you?" he asked.  
"Don't you remember me Doctor? I'm Linda."  
He sauntered over to her, "Oh I don't think I'd forget a fox like you…"  
"Doctor!" Linda scolded.  
"Woo!" he wiggled, "I feel so different." He winked, "I feel dirty!"  
"Doctor! What is wrong with you?"  
"I'm a new man! I'm the Dirty Doctor!"

He raced through the TARDIS and into the wardrobe room. He flung about him clothing after clothing until his eyes lit up.  
"I knew I had this here!" He quickly undressed and put on his new clothing and ran out to Linda.  
"So baby what do ya think?" he asked her wiggling his crotch.  
Linda's jaw dropped. The Doctor was dress in a black jacket and a white dress shirt while he also wore blue denim jeans and a pair of dress shoes.  
"Just what do you think you're playing at?"  
"Hey baby, don't hate the player; hate da game."  
Linda shook her head in frustration.

"So where do you want to go now? I was thinkin' somewhere there is music!" he cried as he spun levers and pressed buttons. As the TARDIS whirled and twirled through the vortex it suddenly shuddered and came to a complete stop. The Doctor frowned. And took a long look at the screen above the console.  
"What's gone wrong now?" Linda asked, her hands across her chest.  
"Sexy has tak'in us to some planet I've never heard of. And for the life of me I can't get her mov'in again. The girl must want me to be here. Only god knows why d'though."  
"Well what should we do?"  
"Go out and explore! What else?" He twisted and ran out the door.  
"What have I gotten myself into?" Linda asked herself.


	2. Jokes

Within you can find many jokes about Doctor Who; some of them funny, some stupid and some of the REALLY DIRTY!

"By the ancient laws of Gallifrey I do declare, that you have sought to pull and tear apart the fabric of our society with such impropriety," screamed the Lord Chancellor.  
"What the heck are you talking about?" the young Doctor asked  
"You forgot to replace the loo roll!"

"Oh doctor!"  
"Oh doctor!"  
"Oh doctorrrrr!"  
"What the heck are you on about now?" he asked.  
"What? I'm just watching Doctor Who…"

"Leela?"  
"Yes Doctor."  
"Well I was just wondering…"  
"What Doctor?"  
"_Is_ it possible for you to wear anything tighter and more revealing?"

"Oh yes!" a male voice yelled.  
"Calculate again!" replied a female voice.  
"Pi equals 3.14…." he continued on, then he yelled, "Tell me the formula!"  
She screamed out, "The formula is…"  
The door opened wide and the Doctor's head poked through, "Adric, Nyssa; so this is your idea of sex."

"Adric!"  
"What Doctor?"  
The Doctor pulled out his scarf and showed it to him, "Well what do you think?"  
"What, I don't understand Doctor."  
"Just look at it! It's all stretched out!"  
"And Doctor?" Adric asked innocently.  
"And, I know you affricate yourself in the bathroom with Nysa's school picture from Traken School for Girls!"

"Welcome to the TARDIS!" the Doctor cried, "Let us embark on a new adventure!" He pulled a lever.  
A sharp noise echoed out.  
The companion asked with enthusiasm, "Is that the sound the TARDIS makes when it takes off?"  
"No, I just farted." He pulled another lever, "This is the noise it makes!"  
A deep thud could be heard.  
"Is that the noise now?" she asked.  
"No. I just shat my pants."

K-9 is alone in the TARDIS console room when Leela walks in.  
"K-9, where is the Doctor?"  
"I cannot reveal the information, mistress."  
"K-9, where is he."  
"Master told not to reveal."  
"K-9; do you want a hit with a newspaper?" she threatened.  
"Master is in bedroom." K-9 quickly replied.  
Leela thought for a moment, "Why would he…?" then her face turned sour.  
"K-9?"  
"Yes mistress?"  
"Where is that women we found with three chest boulders instead of two?"  
"I cannot reveal the information, mistress"

"Doctor?"  
"Yes Amy?"  
"That sonic screwdriver thingmajig of yours?"  
"What about it…?"  
"Can it really do everything?"  
"Everything!" he exclaimed.  
"Hmm." She said, "Why don't you come into my bedroom; I've got a thing you can screw in for me…"


End file.
